her: 'Bat gising ka pa? Alas-cinco na dyan ah?

me: Ewan ko. Mag-one week na, na I'd suddenly wake up in the middle of the night, for no reason.

her: And 5 AM is the middle of the night?

me: Yes. 3, 4, 5. Yung mga oras na dapat tulog ako, middle of the night yon.

her: Someone's probably thinking of you.

me: Huh?

her: Sabi ni mommy, pag daw hindi ka makatulog or bigla ka nagigising ng hindi mo alam kung bakit, ibig sabihin may nag-iisip sa'yo.

me: Then that someone should be the one who's not sleeping, not me. Right? I mean, since that person's the one who's thinking, and I'm not. Di ba? Di ba?

her: Ewan ko, hindi naman ako ang gumawa ng kasabihan eh. Yun sabi sa'kin ni mommy eh.

me: Tsaka, hello?? Sino namang matinong tao na sa dinami-daming oras para mag-isip eh alas-3, alas-4 at alas-5 pa mag-iisip, imbes na matulog??

her: Nag-salita ang matino? Tsaka hindi naman pag alas-3 dyan eh alas-3 din sa buong mundo noh? Anyway, sabi ni kuya, curse that person para makatulog ka na daw.

me: Teka, hindi ba para sa balis yun? Para 'wag ka daw mabalis?

her: Hindi ko alam. Pero i-try mo na din, malay mo mag-work.

me: Eh sino mumurahin ko? Hindi ko nga alam kung sinong hindi nagpapatulog sa'kin eh.. Pano yon, "To whom it may concern..."?

her: Oo nga noh.

---

But just in case...

To whom it may concern,

Please lang, patulugin mo na ako. Stop thinking na and go to sleep. Or please tell me who you are, so that I can curse you. That way you can continue thinking and I can continue sleeping. Thankyouverymuch.

Labels: Crazy world, Friends, Mabuhay Pilipinas, Silly Me, Silly You

She 1: When I see him, I'll stare at him, look deep into his eyes, then... BOOM! I'll know he's the one.

She 2: Oh really? Just by looking deep into his eyes, you'll be sure his The One? With the "BOOM!" and everything...

She 1: Yes, The One, my Mr. Right, my Prince Charming, my Knight In Shining Armor. We'll look deep into each other's eyes and we'll know we're meant to be together. Hhaaayyy..

She 2: That's the spirit!

If you've been online for at least a year (if you're malas, as early as your 2nd month), surely, sooner or later you will have someone (or some people) hating on you. It doesn't really matter if you're blogging, chatting, or merely joined a social networking site. I remember pa nga na someone got into "serious" fighting at YouTube, kamusta naman 'yon? If you're online, you risk. Some people kasi, all they do is look for "things" where they can (make) leave their ugly comments on.

As long as the "hater" do not go overboard, kahit na he's hiding behind anonymity, I am okei with that. Freedom of speech nga eh, di ba? Some times naman kasi, the "commenter" gives you the opportunity to explain yourself (and what you said), and eventually you'll have a healthy conversation with them. And, sabi nga, "you can't please everybody all the time", someone will always find some thing wrong. Sana nga lang kahit na they're hating on you, they'll still respect you and the people surrounding you. It doesn't mean naman kasi na just because they hate you, you're less human than they are.

It was a lazy morning (and I don't really know why, but I was convinced that today's the 20th. weird. I had to check the calendar thrice), I woke up at 7.30, saw the clock and went back to sleep. I got up at 10.30 because a friend sent me an SMS telling me to check my inbox because she e-mailed me some pictures and wanted me to check them out. In my years of being online, I can only remember people "hating" me on 2 occasions. When I see names that I find strange with no subject, I usually just delete them. I started to feel heavy and said aloud, "ay, ang aga naman nito", when I saw an unfamiliar name with "Kiamoy" as the subject of the e-mail, in my inbox, thinking that it was one of those people who don't like me. I even giggled and thought, "ano naman kayang problema nito sa Kiamoy?", hehehe.

To my surprise....

Dear Dindin,

Hi. I hope you are doing ok. I don't know what made me write an email and send it to you. Maybe because I miss my sister more than ever and she likes eating sampaloc candies too. You don't know me, but I've been reading your blog for at least a year and a half now. You remind me so much of my sister, I now have an idea of how she will be when she turns 20, she's 15 right now. I miss her so much. Our parents are separated and she lives with my mom, so I rarely see her. Your blog makes me miss her less kasi medyo similar kayo, the way you think, the way you interact with people... kahit na hindi mo sila kilala and how you became friends with them. Basta.

[...]

I love the conversations you have and had with your father, your family and your friends. With your posts - you make me cry, you make me laugh, and make me smile. And I want to thank you for that.

Anyway, do you really want kiamoy and sampaloc candies? If yes, I can send you some, kaya lang I'm currently out of the country, I'll be back in the Philippines by April 15, and can send you the package before April 20. It's the least I can do for the joy that you bring in me. Let me know if you want me to send you some.

Sometimes, you do things just because you want to do them. It's not always necessary to know the reason why you do things. If you don't know the reason on why you do some things but you love to do them and you're not taking advantage or not stepping on anyone's toe, just continue doing them. The fact that you don't know the reason doesn't mean that other people don't either.

Thank you kind reader, I am moved. You made my day. =)

Labels: Buhay ng may Buhay, Familia sa Mundo ng Blog, Si Dindin

Shheeettttttt!!! I'm craving for something sweet, salty, and sour. And all I can think of is Kiamoy.

Nakaka-inis, bakit hindi uso ang mga Sari-sari store dito, at bakit walang Kiamoy dito??




I'm sad. I want Kiamoy. =(

Please send me some, anyone?


I'll now go and raid the kitchen. Maybe I'll find something. =(
Will be back later.

Labels: Mabuhay Pilipinas, Si Dindin, Silly Me

When you live away from your motherland, few are the reasons that could make you go back.

If you have children back home,

• it could be your child's 1st, 7th or (daughter's) 18th birthday
  
• graduation
  
• wedding

Most of the time, you go back because you "have" to, or because there's some thing special that's about to happen. But oftentimes, actually a little too often, you go back to bid your last goodbye to someone close to your heart.

Yesterday, at 2.25 in the afternoon, my cousin texted me asking me to contact Tita Zeny and let her know that her mum passed away. I didn't have the heart, and the courage, and so I called Mamma and asked her to do it. Later that night, at Tita Zeny's house, I found out that Mamma opted to call her brother instead, and aksed him to tell his wife the dreaded news, who apparently didn't have the heart to tell her the news too, because all he told her was that Tita needed to call her sister, who at that time lived with her Inay. So, in the end it was her own sister who told her what happened.

I feel for her. It's true pala, you never really know/feel what one's going through unless you've been there. And telling someone that you understand what he's going through or how he feels, when he knows that you don't, won't make him feel better.

Anyway, Tita Zeny and Tito Dopong are scheduled to fly back to the Philippines before the week ends.

Please pray for Tita Zeny's Inay's soul.

Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord. And let perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Amen.

Labels: Famiglia, Halo-Halo Special, Mabuhay Pilipinas

My cousin's daughter, my Tito and Tita's granddaughter, my inaanak, turns 4!





con amore,
Ninang Dindin

Labels: Famiglia, Halo-Halo Special, Viva Italia

More than 10 years ago, I met a girl who had the biggest crush (as in enormous, tipong hawakan lang yung hair nya, hihimatayin na sya! Promise!) on one of my closest friend. She was introduced to us as "Ang babaeng patay na patay kay Christian", months later her barkada and ours got into an argument for some reason that no one seems to remember, and thankfully it was solved a couple of days after.

We soon became close friends and she stopped crushing on Christian, I think she outgrew it. Hehehe.


She was the girl who called me every night with her husky voice that sounds totally different whenever she starts to sing.


We laughed together. We cried together.
We did silly things together. We got in trouble together.

I saw her fall in love.


I saw her when her heart was broken.

And I saw her fall in love again, and again, and again.

As she turned into a young lady.

As she got on that stage for her diploma.

As she walked down the aisle.

As she became the woman and the wife that she is now.

We still laugh together. We still cry together.
We still do silly things together. We still get in trouble together.


I'll stay with her at her worst. And I will always see the best in her.

To the friend who became a sister by heart, as we put it...

I miss & love you!
xxoo <3

Labels: Friends, Halo-Halo Special, Mabuhay Pilipinas, That's Amore

I'm almost sure that I first heard Savage Garden back when I was in grade school, I instantly fell in love with them, their songs actually. And I still "do" like them.

"Truly Madly Deeply" was the first.

I'll be your dream,
I'll be your wish,
I'll be your fantasy.

I'll be your hope,
I'll be your love,
Be everything that you need.

I love you more with every breath
Truly Madly Deeply do.
(Don't you just love that "do"? Sing it with me, "Truly Madly Deeply do...")

I will be strong, I will be faithful,
'Cos I'm counting on a new beginning.
A reason for living.
A deeper meaning.

Tapos there was "I Want You" (definitely not my favourite), "To The Moon And Back", "Break Me, Shake Me".

Then, came "I Knew I Loved You".
(Until 2001, I had no idea na si Kirsten Dunst pala yung girl sa video! At times, I'm such a dork! Hahaha!)


Back then, everyone I knew was telling (more like convincing) me that this song's a love song and I totally agreed, it IS a love song, it's just that, for me, it's more of an UNromantic love song. I don't know, I had a hard time agreeing on this line kasi eh: "I knew I loved you before I met you". From the first time that I heard this song, being the person that I am, I always thought (and most times, I still do) that this is a song that parents would sing/dedicate to their soon-to-be-born baby. Read the lyrics, how can you not agree with me? =D

So now, I'm dedicating this to the soon-to-be parents and soon-to-be-born babies!

Maybe it's intuition
But some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
And there it goes
I think I've found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

There's just no rhyme or reason
Only this sense of completion
And in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for
I think I've found my way home

Anyway, let me get to the point of this post...

Dearest Soon-to-be-born baby of soon-to-be-mum Liliana,

This post is to attest (someday) that I did not forget that your mummy's preggy. =)
And, I'm writing this in english because your Mamma said, "My baby will speak fluent english, by hook or by crook!"

She's driving everyone crazy with her mood swings, treating everyone so bad, and accusing us of forgetting the fact that she's pregnant (I mean, how is that even possible?) and that you will hate us for that. But, it's all good. =D

This is how your mum looked like when she was younger and nicer. =p
No photos of her with the tummy, because she doesn't want us to take pictures of her with the "big tummy".




Good luck, Lily!!! You're due on May!!! Breathe in, breathe out... Push....
Don't worry you're going to be a great mum! =)
Can't wait for your baby boy or girl! Why don't you want to know the baby's gender anyway?


P.S.
Lily, even though you're treating everyone like shìt, we love you still!
♥ ♥ ♥

P.P.S.
Here's Darren Hayes of Savage Garden with "So Beautiful". Lavett!

Labels: Buhay ng may Buhay, Friends, Lights Camera Action, Silly Me, Silly You, That's Amore

Warning: Lengthy post. May cause dizziness.

The Decision.
After more than 2 weeks of long talks, overseas calls, thinking AND reflecting, asking myself "what ifs", and lots of good cries, I decided to quit school... for now. I know it's crazy, more like stupid, leaving school 3 months before it officially closes, and 4 months before I get my hands on that diploma.

You see, school was taking over my life, no, scratch that, school was my life. My whole existence depended on how school was going. It was all about school works, school projects and school events. Everything I did was for school. My social life died. Everyone I knew was related to school. School became the center of my whole world. School was the biggest reason of why I existed. And it's not healthy, not phsychologically, not emotionally, not physically. It came to a point where I had to take vitamins, twice a day, for my eyes because my ophthalmologist said my eyes were too stressed. Now, how weird is that? Before I moved back here, I had no idea what stress really was. You know, it was one of those things that you constantly hear about, but don't really know what it is. After a year or two, everyone I know is blaming stress for everything, including those who prescribed me medicines. I became grumpy. I rarely smiled. And my body almost always ached. I did not like who I was becoming. I was so tempted to see and ask someone (and by someone, I mean someone with a doctorate) for happy pills. We have a semi (pseudo)-shrink at school, and obviously, stress was to blame. Stress is the devil. This is when the insomnia started din. (not that I ever slept early in my entire life.)


The Old School And Plans Destroyed.
I used to love going to school. I didn't mind having to wake up at 6.30 in the morning, so I won't be late for the flag ceremony. I didn't mind having to recite the rosary every Wednesday, either. (it was wednesday, right?) But that was back in high school, back when I lived with my Tita and her family, back when I was in the Philippines. I had everything planned. At age 12, I knew what I was going to do right after high school. I knew I was going to attend a good university, study Political Science or Journalism, then go straight to Law school. I was sure I was going to pass the bar on my first attempt with a decent score. I was sure that a good law firm would hire me and would allow me to do pro bono work(s) without making too much stories (and being a pain). I knew exactly what I wanted and I was sure I was going to get it.

But, I moved back here. In our family, (like in many other families, I think), when you're 16, you have no "say" and right when it comes to making/taking decisions. Everyone else can say what they think and want, your titos, titas, and older cousins (and their friends), your parents (and their friends), basically everyone who seems old enough to say something smart, except you. Because when you're 16 all you think about are TV shows, going out, techie stuffs, and superficial things. And they seem to forget that it's your life and future they're talking about.

Now just thinking about school makes my stomach churns. I lost myself and I terribly miss it. These past few years, I did what everyone wanted and expected me to do. I stopped asking (thinking) and started doing. I stopped caring about what I wanted and what I felt. I stopped listening to what my heart really wanted. I killed the me inside me. I became passive.


Not Liking The Bitter Taste.
As far as I can remember, I've been depressed (as in yung totoong depressed talaga) only twice in my entire life. One, was when I (we) lost Papà. And two, was a few months ago (and it's been "on the go" for quite some time), which I'm almost sure has something to do with the first "episode" of my depression.

Pà and I never really spent every single year of my life together (only 11 out of 23), when I was 4 my parents sent me to the Philippines mainly because they wanted me to grow up with Filipino traits. So, no one really expected that I would be devastated. But I was, and I think I still am. There are times when I would just hear myself say, "It's unfair, she's 60 and her parents are still with her... I'm 23 and I already lost my father. It's just not fair. I hate it." And it shocks me, because I'm not like that. I am never really, honestly and fully bitter. Sometimes I scare my own self too. But the thought of not having my own identity, at this age, scares me even more.


Looking Back.
We brought Papà's ashes to the Philippines, he wanted his ashes to be buried with those of his parents, they lived in Bicol for a while. On why they were buried in Bicol, the only thing I can come up with, is because my eldest brother married a Bicolana, and decided to live and work there, and since he takes care of almost everything, well...

Mamma is from Laguna, and that's where I spent 12 long years of my life, while my other siblings either did not have a house to go to or bought a house somewhere else [e.g. one of my sisters married a Batangueño (did I even spell that right?) so their house is situated in Batangas]. Long story short, we spent a week at my Kuya's home. The first day (and night) was spent sleeping, on our stomach, because everyone's butt behind was hurting, imagine flying from Milan to Rome to Hong Kong to Manila plus, more or less, I don't really remember, 8-13 hours of driving from Manila to Bicol [we had to be in Bicol the same night (or early morning of the next day) we arrived, but we were told that we had to wait for the next day, after lunch, for a domestic flight to Bicol]. We only got to see and talked to Kuya on our second day, we were still sleeping when he left for work.

At the wake, a couple of minutes after midnight, Kuya approached me, he looked at me, hugged me tight, said "I can see how devastated you are.", then cried, minutes later, let go. Before we parted, the scene was almost the same, a couple of days before our flight back here, after his convention in Manila, he told his driver to make a stop at Laguna, where Mamma and I were staying, he stayed for lunch and (a super early) merienda. Before he left, right before closing my Lola's house gate, he motioned me to go near him, he gave me a big hug, said "Iingatan mo ang sarili mo doon. 'Wag mong ka-isipin ang Papà. At pag may kailangan ka, kahit ano, tawagan mo lang ako. Walang problema kahit anong oras.", he then started to cry, [and it's great that he didn't care that he was a 40+ year old man, and that while he was crying, I did not shed a tear and was zombielike, and that we were in front of other people he barely or complety did not know (and his driver), it seemed that all he really cared about was that he's an older brother biding his youngest sister goodbye], gave me a big kiss, let go and left wihtout saying another word. And that's exactly what I needed at that time. He saw right through me, and he was the only one, it seems that everyone else has a hard time seeing me as fragile, vulnerable, and emotional.


"Breakdown And Cry, If You Feel You Have To.
Lose Yourself, So You Could Find You Once Again."
I tell half of the people who come to me for "help" that it's okei to be vulnerable and let other people take care of you every once in a while, that some times you just have to let other people take care of you because that's the best thing to do. And I tell the other half that it's okei to lose yourself, if you think it could help you find what you're really looking for, and if it'll lead you back to the real you.

I'm realizing a lot of things lately. And so, I told myself the exact same things.

It came down to me that I should practice what I preach.

For the longest time, it felt (feels) like I'm living the life of someone else. It's so surreal, it's like watching someone else living his life on a television. I'll officially leave school this Wednesday or Thursday (and unofficially, I left last Wednesday). Like what I've said, this is my year, this is the year I'm taking my life back. And so far, so good. I am not as stressful as I used to be, I am again enjoying the little and simple things that I so enjoyed before, and I look happier and relaxed daw. And I intend to start listening to my heart again. =)


So there, ladies and gents, it's out. I am temporarily out of school.

No one from my family knows half of the things I wrote, I mean, all they know is that I left school because, academically, I was having trouble due to my prolonged stay in the Phlippines last year. So, if you know anyone, (or know someone who knows someone, hehe), from my family, please keep quiet. I know for sure that nobody in my family reads my blogs, if they find out about this post it could only mean one thing - someone told them. And since, this blog post has nothing to do about me, being okei with premarital sex, being pro-living together before sigining a marriage contract, and the like, I expect wish not to receive any hate e-mail (or at least, nothing exaggerated), and please do not trash talk about me with your friends because it will reach me, just like how it reached me before. Members of my family, either, have too much problem to think about already that I'd rather not have them worry about mine, or are living so peacefully and I'd like to keep it that way. So let's keep these things between you and me. Thank you. =)

P.S.
No one probably cares about this, or any of the things I blog about for that matter, but blogging about it makes it feel more real. And I need that right now.

P.P.S.
If you know a part-time job that you think I might like or I'm passionate about, give me a ring. And since, I don't really need the job because I'm keeping the part-time job that I already have, I reserve the right to say "No" but will still be very educated and thankful in doing so.

Labels: doing it the soap-opera way, Famiglia, Si Dindin, That's Amore

Read: "The DJ Montano scandal".

I've been reading it for 2 days already. And I don't even know them.
Nakakaloka na nakakatakot din, at the same time.

I think I'll stop reading it now.

Labels: Buhay ng may Buhay, Crazy world, Mabuhay Pilipinas, Silly You

Mas maganda (nakaka-tawa) sana kung may "sound effect" yung kwento.



Back in high school...

Me: Tayo na kasi, ako na muna ang mag-aabono [pay the difference], gutom na ako.

Friend: Itatanim mo ang kakainin natin? San mo balak mag-tanim? (she was being sarcastically funny)

I say (yes, I still do, hindi ko ma-control eh, and I can't seem to remember how to say it rightly) "abono" the wrong way, and every time I say it the way I do, everyone I'm not (directly) talking to thinks I'm referring to a fertilizer.

---

A few months ago...

Me: Saan parte yun Ta-gig, gano yun kalayo dito?

Cousin: Anong Ta-gig?

I showed him how it was written.

Cousin: 'Nak ng... Taguig!! Ate, alas-3 na, tayo na matulog.

---

A few weeks ago...

Me: Ano ba ibig sabihin ng pa-los?

Friend: Yung parang lumo-lobo sa balat mo, pag-gasgas na.

Me: Ha? Lobo? Pag-gasgas ang balat?

Friend: Yung may tubig sa loob.

Cousin: Pare, paltos yun!

Minutes later...

Me: Anong ibig sabihin ng pa-los?

Tito's friend: Yung ano, yung gumagapang na parang malaking bulate na kulay itim.

Me: Parang bulate na kulay itim???

Tito's friend: Oo, naka-kain ka na nun eh.

Me: Ha?? Kumain ng bulate? Ako??

Tito's friend: Oo, tanda mo nung kumain tayo dun sa ristawran [restaurant] ng hapon?

Friend: Pare, isda yun, hindi yun bulate! Din, yung anguilla [Italian for "eel"].

Me: Ahh. Kinabahan naman ako dun, kumain daw ako ng bulateng itim.

Friend 2: Haha, lasing na yan eh.

Me: Teka, 'bat yun ang pangalan ng bagong serye ng ABS? Male version ng Dyesabel? Sabagay mas magandang pakinggan kesa sa shokoy.

Cousin: Hala, Palos pala ang tinatanong ni Din-din eh.

Friend 2: Gawa yun nung uso na komiks noon. Hindi mo na siguro yun inabot.

Nakaka-loka! The conversations we have every time we get together, and to think we're not kids anymore, I'm 23 and I'm usually always the youngest!

Just for the record, I am not bulol, but I've been advised to go to diction school, more than once, kasi madalas ang gulo daw ng punto [accent] ko pag-nag-tatagalog ako. Meron ba diction school para sa Tagalog?

Anyway, for my peace of mind, I googled ABS-CBN's Palos when I got home. He's like the Italian Diabolik! Now, I'm wondering... Who copied who?

From Wikipedia:
"Alyas Palos (Alias Eel) is a comic serial novel by Virgilio and Nestor Redondo, which was first (1st) serialized in Tagalog Klasiks in 1961."

"Diabolik is a fictional character, an anti-hero featured in Italian comics. He was created by sisters Angela and Luciana Giussani in 1962."

Palos was born in 1961 and Diabolik in 1962, but if you check the names of the (Palos) characters, they all sound a little too Italian, don't they? Oh, well... I guess it's not that important anyway.

Sabi ko na nga ba eh, we need TFC at home na.

Labels: Famiglia, Friends, Mabuhay Pilipinas, Silly Me, Silly You, Telebisyon, Viva Italia